masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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