Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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