My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
