we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
