hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
