Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My cat gives me a boner
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I supernannyed him into submission
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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