I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
