I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
