Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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