I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
