omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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