I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
