well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
