WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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