why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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