I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
