By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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