great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
