how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
