I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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