Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
