New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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