He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
