dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
