Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was born a porn star she said
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
