marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
