Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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