Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
