it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
