Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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