You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
