I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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