Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
