The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
