I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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