Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
