I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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