This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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