Sponge bath it is.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
