May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize