Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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