So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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