I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize