I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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