I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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