i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
