Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
