SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
