i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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