i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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