don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
