I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
