She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
