Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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