It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
