Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
