I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
