chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
