Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she smelled like a LAN party
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
