My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
