I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
