Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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