You really coming over, don't trick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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