and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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