Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
