Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
