I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
