if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
