woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
