and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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