Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
