I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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