no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
