The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
