No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
