she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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